If the Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side, Consider Learning More About Lawn Care
When I was 8 years old, I came to the conclusion that getting married was the ultimate way to ensure I
would feel loved and I would never be alone. The example of my parents’ marriage led me to believe
that the wedding, the family structure and the togetherness they shared was as natural as it had been
portrayed in the movies I watched and the songs I listened to. It was not until many years later, as an
adult, that I realized the grass was not so green in our family’s yard.
When I married at 19 years old to a man I had met only 6 months prior, I thought it would work out
somehow because as the song goes, “All you need is love”. During my 10-year marriage, I often
wondered how it was possible that I was not adored as much as I thought I should be. “How is it possible
that I am so loveable but feel so unloved?” As I looked around and compared my marriage (and my
husband) to the other marriages around me, the grass on the other side became more and more green.
Since he was the main problem, I devoted most of my time looking for ways to change him. I read
books, talked to all my wise friends and of course, I asked my mom how to fix him. I was doing my part
to make my marriage better. There was only one problem, my grass was getting browner and browner.
I had a great solution to this problem. If my grass was brown, and someone else’s was green, I needed to
get a new yard! It did not matter to me that I had no involvement in making the other grass green. In
fact, it had nothing to do with me at all. I only knew I deserved to have green grass. After all, loveable
people deserve green grass. If my husband were not an expert in making my grass green, I would marry
someone who was. Problem solved!
I began to share my marital problems with as many people as possible, hoping they would affirm my
feelings and my desire to have a good husband. I received a lot of advice from people who claimed to
understand my situation. Unfortunately, none of them were experts in lawn care. I began to seek out
other men who would appreciate me and validate that my husband was a fool for not seeing how truly
wonderful I was. I began to seek out ways to get all my deepest needs met and allowed my mind to
entertain the thought; “If I get a new yard, things will be perfect”.
I never once thought that I was committing infidelity, because I had convinced myself that I was a victim
and deserved better. If my husband didn’t meet my needs, I had a right to find someone who would.
The problem with infidelity is that you never truly own peace. I longed for those exciting feelings I once
felt when I first met my husband. I wanted to feel loved, desired and appreciated again. They funny
thing is, when I began to seek refuge outside my own yard, my adventurous plan led to my feeling lost,
fearful and worst of all, unloved all over again. It was stressful relying on someone to care for things
they were not committed to care for. All of a sudden, the grass was not so green on the side.
I remember one day watching my dad go around the yard and put patches of green stuff on the brown
spots in our yard. When asked, he explained that once the green stuff absorbs and takes root, the brown
spots will begin to turn green again. The brown spots are areas where the yard was lacking health and it
needed special attention. The whole yard was not brown, only a few areas. Even though it looked
unsightly, much of it was healthy. Is it possible that your marriage has a few brown spots but is still
capable of restoration?
In the end, my marriage did not last. It ended in a painful divorce. I had failed at the one thing I believed
could bring me happiness, contentment and love. I failed because I did not know how to care for my
marriage, so it died. I thought divorce would set me free to find the love I deserved, but I never found a
yard that didn’t develop brown spots. In fact, many had more than my marriage did!
Whether you have entertained an emotional affair or thought a sexual affair would be the solution to
the brown spots in your yard, you are not alone. Most marriages have to deal with brown spots from
time to time. The hope in this message is that there are ways to cause those ugly spots to thrive again.
Learning how to care for your investment and having pride that you committed to do so, establishes a
mindset that you are dedicated to what your marriage can look like despite where it is now. Many
reading this may say, “But my yard is dead!”. I say, you are still reading this blog. We all want hope that
things can change. Let’s start by looking at ways to care for own backyard. Hire an expert if necessary.
Written By: Kim Danon